Quotes to tickle your funny bone.

“This pasta tastes like raw dough.” Chris
“Hmm.” the group around him
“Kinda good!” Chris

“We should go karaoking!” Jessy
“Who’s oki and why would you ever carry him?” Chris

“Come on bird!” Chris to me
“Don’t say bird to me!” me
“What’s the word, bird?!” Chris
“Are you calling her bird because her name is Robin?” Jessy
“Yes” Chris
“Oh. Ok.” Jessy

“It is pretty profound!” Chris
“Well, you’re not a pro, so how did you find it?” Jessy

“I got this ring because it’s pink.” me
“If the devil was pink, would you marry him!?” Jessy

“You’re licking in Chris’s car.” Jessy
“I was pretending I was a dog…or a cat… or a bear.” Ashley (eating ice cream)
“You should pretend you can’t talk.” Jessy

“My whole life is on Robin’ facebook!” Chris

Building His Kingdom

I keep wanting to throw myself into something, anything, that matters. There is so much I want to do. And even though I am doing a lot, sometimes I feel like I am doing nothing.

Thinking about everything I am involved in, I think it is just my job that makes me feel this way. I know God is using me, even if the results are slow to be seen.

I want to hold babies that need love. I want to love little children. I want to mentor young people, and pour into them all that God has ministered to me. I want to pray and see change; to pray and see God come in glory and power and make the whole world see Him and love Him passionately. I want to bring the anointing of God to people in worship. I want to love people, to encourage them, and pray for them, and lift up hearts. I want people to encounter the love of Jesus and the power of the Spirit in me. I want to chase HARD after God every moment of ever day until I truly KNOW Him. I want to carry His life to the spiritually suffering and dying. And I want everything I do to be important, with eternal significance.

But what a fool I am to think that what I am unwilling, or ‘unable’, to do now, I will be willing to do just because my circumstances change. What a fool I am to take any moment for granted; every single thing I do has eternal significance, but that is disturbing rather than comforting, because my daily choices do not reflect the knowledge of that fact. What a fool I am to think that just because my heart is sincere, wanting God to receive glory, my flesh is not hiding in the deep places wanting credit and fame.

A little of what I want to do, I am doing now. Why does it feel like nothing? What I am doing DOES matter. So why do I believe the lies of the enemy?

I remember being deeply affected by something Jason Upton said. On one of his songs, he talked about the error of building our personal kingdoms, when we should live only to build God’s kingdom. This is what Jesus taught. To do ‘everything’ in secret. Because I am not building my kingdom. I died and now my life is hidden with God in Christ. My life belongs to Him and Christ lives in me. In building His kingdom, I will not receive credit until the very end, which I will then give to Jesus. The crowns we receive, we will place at His feet because we owe all that we are, and all that we will ever be to Him.

This is hard even in the least legalistic communities: I find myself so fired with passion, I want to shoot off everything I am doing and everything I want to do, because I want you to know that I love Him. In this passion, I am not building my kingdom. I have a heart right with God and I really am doing it to build His kingdom. But somehow, it becomes about my contribution to His kingdom, and thereby becomes my kingdom. It’s too easy to make it about me when I never wanted it to be about me.

This often comes about in the following manner: God, I don’t see this happening, so I have to do it. You want it done, so let me do it. What can I do God? When can I do it? How can I do it? Why aren’t you letting me do it, God? Don’t you want it done? I don’t understand!! (This makes me laugh. It does happen occasionally, even from my sincere little heart.)

Anyway, I am remined today that everything I do matters, but the glory is not mine anyway. Run on.

Fear-of-the-Lord Poem

I should have read my Bible last night
Before I turned out the light
Even when I want what is right
I don’t remind myself to fight
I wonder will this always be the case
I ask God to teach me His grace
Surprised when I fall flat on my face
Sometimes I despise this place
I find myself thinking God hates me
I try to tell myself He has mercy
His ways to me are a mystery
But I cherish the gifts He gives freely
Some days I thrive, conscious of His care
Others I long to run away to get there
I love the seasons I run as fast as I dare
I hate the seasons when passion is rare
Why do I have to be so blind
Like I can’t make up my mind
Leaving aimless wondering behind
Is the only way I’ll ever find
My life purpose, for His fame
Robin, this is not a game
Live fully alive to Jesus’ name
Can you imagine the terrible shame
Live out the only Life that’s real
There is coming a great reveal
Will any regret you feel
When you confess He’s Lord and kneel
Failing Him is my only true fear
So no matter how things appear
My calling is perfectly clear
I’ll be ready for His coming is near

Spiritual Struggle

Sometimes I struggle. Spiritually. Tonight, I was crying out to the Lord about it and was able to articulate it.

God, it hurts. How long will it hurt like this? It’s like when you are using a muscle, and all your strength has been spent and you cannot hold it any longer.

You know it’s good, and will cause you to grow, but it hurts. The pain sometimes causes you to just stop, in frustration, in lack of knowledge, and walk away. You know you will keep coming back, even if you keep walking away. You know you have to accomplish your exercise, and you know you will.

It’s like I am pushing a wall. In whatever I am trying to master, I push and push and strive, until I have to walk away. I have to get past it. I want to get past it, but the difficulty…it’s terrible.

I know you are teaching me, but I just don’t understand yet. I know I am not alone. It is the Spirit that leads me to desire growth, that leads me to pursue whatever struggle causes growth. Without the Spirit, I would be still and die.

My motive is to know You. My motive comes because You are the only One worth living for. You are It, God. My world begins and ends with You. Nothing else matters. Sometimes I despise having to live, having to work, having to breathe, having to wait for my Wedding Day. Why? Why can’t I have You now? Why must I strive, and face my own wretchedness. I cannot even count on myself to love you, to desire you, from one moment to the next. I hate that, God!

I am so thankful that God is patient. I know that if I have to walk away, even for several years, from a struggle, God will be faithful to successfully teach me, to literally gift me with the maturity and understanding to finally live and walk victorious in it.
I know because He has done it for me. And it was worth it. I see that I was so impatient with myself, and I can see the compassion He had for me. He knew that struggling was so painful for me.

And I see how ‘Godly sorrow’ is good. Probably a good 6 years ago I learned how precious it is to weep before the Lord. How I cherish moments of brokenness before Him. Even now, I would rather cry to Him because of a burden of desire for Him, even though it is hard, than feel like I have experienced Him and no longer burn with desire for Him.

He’s so amazing. I have learned well that He can be trusted. So I trust Him.

Procrastination

There’s a funny thing about procrastination. Even when you do your best to avoid it, somehow it finds you.

I just finished my time management project for the semester. In it, I had to plan my whole semester, inputting my study time. My conclusion is that I will be studying a whole lot this semester. I started out with a goal to get ahead of schedule and stay there, but I am already finding myself too close to my deadlines for comfort. In my project, I had to write a paper discussing time management principles I had learned. While writing about procrastination, I came to a surprising realization.

I think the reason procrastination seems to find every student is because God put eternity in our hearts. Our minds cannot easily function with the understanding of mortality. In our daily life we are reminded of it, but it always comes as a shock. This, I think, is the reason we are surprised by deadlines. In our minds, in our hearts, life should just go on. Someday soon, it will.

Eternity is coming soon. I am happy that eternity is more a reality than anything that seems real to me now. I am looking; watching; waiting. It excites me to no end to realize that I am getting married.

I will marry Jesus and He will be mine. I will finally KNOW Him!!! Oh the joy of that day; I cannot even imagine. (Come Lord Jesus!!)

I have always thought: there is no end to God, so we can never fully ‘know’ Him, or rather all that He is. But thinking about the coming Wedding Day, I realized something. I WILL know Him. I will fully KNOW Him. When a man and wife become one, they KNOW each other, in intimacy. This doesn’t mean they share a brain, can read each other’s minds, or otherwise predict thoughts, but they become one and they KNOW each other. In this way, I WILL know the Lord.

That means so much to me. I would give up EVERYTHING I know, to have Him, to hold Him. And one day soon, I will finally be able to. This is the reason I live. For the day I will know Him. I will be fully His and finally, He will be fully mine.

Fun Quotes

Saturday night, a group of us went out for Jennifer’s birthday. Here are some fun quotes I captured:

…….
Chris: Cows always look mad.
Shanna: Except Elsie.
Chris: Oh. Is that the singing cow at the rodeo?
Shanna: Mm-hmm.
Chris: Yeah. She’s a happy cow.

…….
Jennifer: (after opening a nice birthday gift from Jesse) I like it when he gives me gifts.

…….
Jennifer: (annoyed) Chris always drives on the reflectors, bump, bump, bump..
Chris: Well, I like living on the edge.

…….
Chris: (after hearing a story of a bat-infested house permanently blinding the owner) It’s like the revenge of the bats. We’re blind and you will be too!

…….
(Jessy gave this homeless guy some money on her way to take a nap in the car. Chris went out to make her come back in, seeing her naivety regarding her safety. As they walked by, the homeless guy went to ask Chris for some money.)
Homeless guy: Oh, your wife already gave me some.

…….
Lindsay: (On our way to our cars) Jessy, where’s your homo?
(she meant hobo! We were rolling it was soo funny.)

Being Led in Triumphal Procession

God gave me this on Thursday, and it really helped me so I wanted to share.

2 Cor 2: 12-14
“Now when I went to Troas to preach the gospel of Christ and found that the Lord had opened a door for me, I still had no peace of mind, because I did not find my brother Titus there. So I said good-by to them and went on to Macedonia. But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.”

My first thought was that even though God had opened a door for Paul, he didn’t take the opportunity, saying he had no peace of mind. This surprised me. Paul? Not follow an open door? Is was okay just because he didn’t feel like he should?

Most times I feel like if I disobey God, or something I think He wants me to do, I am a terrible person, and now He hates me. No matter what the circumstances of my saying ‘uh no God I don’t think so but I still love you and live to obey you.” I cannot even repent, because that means turning from my sin, and I know that there will be a future time when I will do it again, whether my Spirit wills to or not. So now I am going to Hell.

Yet Paul says “But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ”

I took comfort today in this proclamation. Whether I know where I am going or not, and even when I am afraid my life is all wrong and why can’t I get it right, I will cling to this.

He say ‘always’. Not just ‘leads us’ in a ‘procession’ but a ‘triumphal’ procession. And He says ‘In Christ’ which is a reminder that life is not always what it seems. That I am not really living my life, struggling alone, without help. I am spiritually, positionally, ‘In Christ’

The remaining words let me understand that God can use me wherever I am, even if I think I’m in the wrong place (and the wrong time). That’s a promise, you know?

It’s been a while

Sorry it’s been so long. I would not be surprised it I’ve lost all my readers, but that’s okay.

Well, I am so busy these days, it’s crazy. I am doing 15 credit hours online through Southwestern. This is in edition to being involved in church. I have started working in the coffeshop at church, and I’m loving it. I was just given the 3-year-olds in kids’ church for snack and craft, so that is exciting. I am loving being a youth leader, and my singles group is still active, really getting the ball rolling, as far as officiality.

And I have come out of a season of feeling trapped by life, wanting to run away to anywhere I can accomplish something for God. Now I feel fulfilled, I feel like I am accomplishing things, affecting people’s lives, able to love and serve. I am newly passionate for God, which is a gift, a grace, that I am so thankful for. Without Him, I am nothing.

Anyway, hopefully I’ll make this a habit again. God bless all!

A little on Camp and a Haircut

I don’t know what the deal is. I haven’t been able to get on here. I probably just need a break, and when I feel led to get back on, I will.

I will come back with stories of camp. Let me just testify that God made a way for me to eat. I found packages of plums, apples, and nectarines at Target for cheap that really carried me through. I also had ’sandwiches’ with natural peanut butter, polaner all-fruit, and sprouted grain ‘bread’. I got to eat corn at dinner one night. They ran out of green beans another night, and I confess that I was pretty upset about it. I went outside and sobbed my heart out. I stand surprised at my reaction, though, because it wasn’t that important. Really. I just talked to Jesus about it, and I was fine. I volunteered to help serve at some meals, and God gave me amazing favor with the ladies in the kitchen and they hooked me up with extra watermelon slices, tomato slices, and orange quarters. It was very amazing of God. He totally took care of me!!

God taught me a lot at camp, though I don’t know how much I will ever be able to articulate. Especially with my girls. I treasure every memory.

The most amazing thing was the survices. Surprise, surprise. No, I’m saying I found new, incredible intimacy in worship. God was showing me things and revealing things to me and it was amazing. God also used me like I have never been used before to pray for my girls, and specifically to pray for them to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit. And several of them did. So it was incredible.

In other news, I cut my hair yesterday. I’m donating 10+ inches to Locks of Love. I love it!! Look here and here.

Youth Camp!!!

Well, we’re meeting at the church in 4 hours and I haven’t slept yet.

It’s time for Youth Camp!! I love youth camp!! This is my fifth year as a counselor. I love pouring into my girls’ lives and God always does amazing things!! So say a prayer for us when you read this.

I will be back home and back online Friday night, and if I can manage to journal while I am there, and steal away some time when I get home, I will write a little about it.