Argh. I am procrastinating and I don’t even know why… I guess I’ll go with the whole bad news first principle. I need to GET A LIFE!! I mean, seriously, DEAL with your issues! And get over it. Either change things, or stop whining. Maybe I need counseling… And I’ll have to decide later if I’m kidding or serious. …I’m gonna go round and round until I land at the feet of Jesus, in repentance and brokenness. So let it keep on spinning… either way He is gonna be Lord.
Today was great from the word ‘GO’! I was so excited to get up this morning, knowing I would be going to the 29eleven young adult service tonight. So I drank my sweet coffee while I curled my hair this morning and prettied up my face. I wore one of my favorite khaki outfits, and my matching pinkish-purplish jacket.
Work has been great. What answers to prayer!!! The kids love me more than ever, I get to love on them and play with them a lot, and my co-worker has been treating me better than ever. It always gets harry in the afternoon with the kids all being stir-crazy but I made up a song today and I was singing it happily (I must plead insanity). C-R-A-Z-Y, C-R-A-Z-Y, C-R-A-Z-Y, You kids are drivin’ me craaaazyyyy!! They were singing along and laughing with me.
I came home, changed into my newest, and cuuute I might add, blouse and jeans, with my scarf from Santa, touched up my face, re-curled my hair and headed off to 29eleven… I was very happy to feel cute.On the way there, I definitely noted the best-case scenarios and worst-case scenarios in my head, with regards to my expectations and my personality. Let me just say I know the Lord led me there. Robin without Jesus is shy, timid, very afraid to do anything outside her comfort zone, under great pressure when it comes to meeting new people, and not so brave when she is alone. Robin with Jesus, went by herself, to a church she had never been to, knew no one, and was confident in that action. Seriously, the fact that I felt this drive to go, despite knowing how I ’should have been’ feeling, was proof that the Lord was leading me. And I’m so thankful for all those accounts.
So I got there about 15 minutes late, and asked information from a lady in the parking lot who directed me ”around the back… past the tennis courts… to the back doors… where the youth and young adults usually meet…” Okaaaay. Thankfully, just as I thought there was no one there and I was gonna have to go home, I spotted a grathering of vehicles, remembered the builing from the video on the website, and saw a banner for 29eleven just inside the doors. Whew! When I walked in, I was relieved to see two girls sitting at the sign-in table, who eventually introduced themselves as Fern and Rain (yep that’s what they said…), then welcomed me, and told me where I could sit.
And oohhh, as soon as I walked into the room, I felt the presence of God swirl around me!! I felt immediately caught up the joy and intoxication of His presence. I entered right at the end of the Praise set, but Worship was ridiculous. My kind of animated, expressive, intense, explosive heartfelt worship. I am sooo grateful. The message was good, and I really enjoyed myself. I definitely want to go back next week. And I’m definitely hoping Jennifer will come too.
… I sat beside a certain someone. Actually, I sat there, and sometime later he sat down on the row, one seat away. When we sat down after worship, I turned and He introduces Himself as Lupe(kinda wierd name for a guy)… and 3 things made me happy. First, he initiated the introdution. Second, he was Hispanic (Dominican… idk… ???). But third, he was cuuuute. During prayer, after we stood again, I realized he is probably 3-4 inches taller than me. Now, I am not saying anything. I will say that the Lord knew every motive of my heart and expectation of my mind, and I dare say He has put them there. I am not lame. When the service was over, I stood there for a painful 30 seconds, not really wanting to leave without making friends, before I turned and walked out, slow enough for anyone to be able to stop me who wanted to. And no one did. I was by no means offended. I hoped that I would find a ‘Robin’ there, that one or more people would have the ministry of welcoming and connecting . “Oh hi I’m … and this is … and wow, you like to …? We do too. Hey, btw, we’re going to …. Wanna come?” But I knew that was a high expectation. This would have been a frequent conversation of mine to a visitor in 24seven, but I was prepared to be okay with that probably not happening.
And you know what? That’s okay. I’m gonna go back. And I can hold in my heart, in my hopes, this boy, and know that God knows all things, and it’s more likely that it will not be, but that’s okay too. It’s only day 5. I have so much to do to prepare, and I have a substantial amount of time to do it in, before I even necessarily want anything to happen. I surmise that next week, I’ll be a little more prepared to put myself out there and assertively meet people, and I will make myself friends, little by little. I’m happy with that. And excited. I’m being wise with my heart, which is ever before the Lord, and I trust Him.
To say I am thankful for tonight is easy, but to express its depth, challenging. I encountered the Lord tonight. In a way that I haven’t probably in almost 3 months. I got caught up in worship. I let myself get totally carried away in His endlessness. What a treasure. And I did something daring. I followed His lead and saw with my own eyes the growth He is bringing to my life as a woman, and as a devoted follower. And I absolutely loved it.
Jesus, sometimes words fail. How do I tell You my heart right now? My confidence in You is resounding inside of me. You are restoring me to hope… to faith… to trust. I see how You are causing every hardship to make me stronger, not more fragile. Let the world see that I do not live for myself, but for You. I just want to thank You. Take my life. It’s my offering. I choose You.