But not to grudges. Not to bitterness or jealousy, unforgiveness or anger.
Such things are on my mind this morning. I am painfully aware of the attack of the enemy this afternoon. and it’s the same old, same old.
I must chuckle about how long it took me to figure out what I was going to do today. But that is a more pleasant familiar feeling… I did that all the time in San Antonio. It was a part of the proces of becoming independent. I now have to relearn how to make decisions for myself, based on what I, alone, want. I wasted probably a few miles today, and a few minutes. So as I sit here, in my room in my mom’s house, eating my peanut butter and banana sandwich, which I paid nothing for, I am counting down. 12 to my new apartment with my brother. And until then, I simply need to claim as mine the moments that rightfully are.
I’ve been doing some thinking about thoughts one shouldn’t think. And as much as I sould like Dr. Seuss right about now, I’m thinking about not thinking those thoughts anymore. The truth is that the Kingdom belongs to the Lord, and I can no longer be surprised, and especially unprepared, for the attacks that come on my heart. I Peter 1 says
20It is true that He was chosen and foreordained (destined and foreknown for it) before the foundation of the world, but He was brought out to public view (made manifest) in these last days (at the end of the times) for the sake of you. 21Through Him you believe in (adhere to, rely on) God, Who raised Him up from the dead and gave Him honor and glory, so that your faith and hope are [centered and rest] in God. 22Since by your obedience to the Truth through the [Holy ] Spirit you have purified your hearts for the sincere affection of the brethren, [see that you] love one another fervently from a pure heart. 23You have been regenerated (born again), not from a mortal [d]origin ([e]seed, sperm), but from one that is immortal by the ever living and lasting Word of God. 24For all flesh (mankind) is like grass, and all its glory (honor) like [the] flower of grass. The grass withers and the flower drops off, 25But the Word of the Lord ([f]divine instruction, the Gospel) endures forever. And this Word is the good news which was preached to you. 1SO BE done with every trace of wickedness (depravity, malignity) and all deceit and insincerity (pretense, hypocrisy) and grudges (envy, jealousy) and slander and evil speaking of every kind.
Phillipians 4 says:
6Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition ([b]definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. 7And God’s peace [shall be yours, that [c]tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall [d]garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. 8For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].9Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of [e]untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you.
No, I don’t have a conspiracy theory. I am who God created me to be and I will stand in my place. I will seek His face as long as I live so that I can be conformed to His image. And I will not be moved. I will ask for clean hands and I pure heart. I will love like He loves me. I will no longer hold on to who I used to be, or who I think I should be.
Lord, teach me to be a participater, and no longer a spectator. I am not the leaning tower of Piza, but rather a tree planted by the River of God with deep roots. So no more wondering, no more searching, just living and loving.
Now, onto learning social skills.

