I read about this on TheCall website. It has since then been removed, but you can read about it here. I am struck by the great significance of it. I definitely want to do it.
Also, this is interesting. It’s a call to prayer for purity.
If you haven’t been to the fastandpray website lately, go check it out. I was noticing today that they’ve added vidoes, an audio, and new articles. Very encouraging.
Check it out. Because it’s too easy to forget.
Today I was forced to eat V8 with a spork. I didn’t get around to warming it up until the cafe had closed and locked up the plasticware. You gotta love it. By the way, hot n spicy V8 is very good. So spicy, in fact, that I use half, and then half of the plain stuff. I warm it up and eat it like soup and it is good.
We’ve been making fruit coctail, and it is delish. I found some celestial seasonings decaf mint green tea, that is yummy. I’m a sucker for the aroma: mint, spearmint, mmm.
Although I am surprised at and very thankful for the determination inside me, when 40 days starts to seem overwhelming, I slowly count to 40. I don’t know exactly why, but this really helps. Maybe it reminds me that it won’t last forever. Maybe it reminds me that I will get through it. Maybe it allows me to already feel (humbly) victorious, so that I can walk in it. At any rate, it is a gift I am thankful for.
I am still finding that fasting puts me in a bad mood. Boy, does it break my heart. I cannot believe that food meant that much to me, that I relied that heavily on it for happiness. Still, part of me wants to believe it is simply the state of my heart wanting so much more of Jesus, grieving over my weakness. At any rate, me and Jesus are going to get through this.
I have yet to sit down and write my goals for this time. What I am believing for from this time, not selfishly, but with Godly vision. My grandpa would kid: Look ashamed! I really believe this will be the key to making the most of the time. That and knowing exactly what I am praying for and allowing God to intercede through me whatever is on His heart.
I’ve been feeling -blah- and it really took me by surprise. But God gave me a gift tonight. He allowed me to really feel the fire. To feel alive again, motivated to run after him, motivated to fight the enemy, instead of taking his trash lying down. Knowing that it is inside me, I am thankful that He keeps it and stirs it up in me.
To all those doing the 40, I just want to let you know I have prayed for you and will continue to pray for you. That we all have the grace to fast, and that we enjoy the Lord.
Well, this day did not go quite how I hoped it would, but Jesus is still Lord. I did learn something.
I was thinking of my friend Chris. This guy, by simply praying over his food, makes you feel convicted to love Jesus more. I told the Lord, sometimes my heart feels so far away from you. The Lord then allowed me to see this truth: In reality, I love Him so much and I am so passionate for him, that sometimes I turn it off. I disconnect myself from it. It’s a stupid reason and I am asking the Lord to bring me revelation concerning it.
I love Him. I am consumed with living for Him, with being wholeheartedly His every moment of every day, walking in passion to be all He has destined me to be. Yet there are days I hate. When I am faced with the mundane. When I am forced to live what my friend Jennifer calls a secular life. The everyday. Like today, where it was just me and my mom and my grandma. Being at home, going shopping. No friends that share this higher calling. No corporate prayer time. No passionate talk about Jesus. No getting messed up simply because I talked about God. No encouraging someone else or giving account for the fire inside me.
So I struggled. Since I could not embody the passion inside me, I disconnected from it. Not on purpose, mind you. It’s almost like I don’t get my way, so the expression of my life turns from passion to pout. It’s pretty ridiculous, but I’m genuinely upset about this struggle.
All I want is Jesus. All I want is to live in Him 24/7. I cannot even really put my heart into words. I want to always be going 100 mph for Him. So on days when I can’t, I feel like a failure. I honestly feel like God is mad at me, even if it is simply me being mad at myself. I never want to have a day when I can’t be chasing God with all my might. How can I when He’s coming back? How can I when there is so much more of Him, when I am still so far away from him? How can I when there is so much on His heart that He wants me to do? When the fire burns so violently inside of me? I come to despise the times when I am stuck at home because I loathe being unproductive for Him!
Can anyone relate?
Well, tomorrow is going to be a fabulous day. I have to work, and us singles will probably get together and hang, and that will be amazing. I am thankful because I know God is growing me in grace and in the knowledge of Him. He is good to bring me revelation so I can understand myself and serve Him better. I love Him.
And I have a monster testimony
My brother Phillip was always the most awesome man of God I had ever known. He had more passion for Jesus than I had ever seen. He went off to Bible College and shortly backslid. I never understood how really, but he backslid good. He now has a 7-month old daughter, whose mother is an athiest. For so long, it would make me sick to talk to him, to think about him. We tried and tried to get him to come home, to no avail. To make a long story short, he moved back to Houston before Easter, and he’s been living with my dad and stepmom on the south side of Houston, and periodically visiting my mom, my grandma, and me on the north side of Houston. I believed with every fiber of my being that once he got here, it was over. And I was convinced that the reason it was like pulling teeth to get him here was because the enemy knew it.
The Weekend’s Beginning
Well, Jessy Jeaux and I drove on Friday night to get him and bring him in for a good friend’s wedding, and to visit us. On the way, he explained to us where he was spiritually. I personally finally understood that something had died inside of him. That he had to start over, to find himself again, to find God again. He had to rise above the constant assault of the enemy bringing guilt and condemnation, and own his faith again. It was very encouraging to us, to know he was coming back around, even if it was slow. For so long, he talked, he acted, he sounded, so lost.
The Weekend’s End
My brother is back! In the past 28 hours, he has prayed aloud, worshipped wholeheartedly, prayed in the Spirit, encouraged another, and said many faith-filled statements. Now, when he talks, Jesus comes out of him. He is back. I see, I hear, the old Phillip. To hear him confess that He is stronger, that He knew all along he couldn’t run, that He has “picked so many things up this weekend that [he] couldn’t seem to pick up before” is glorious.
So Fitting!
What a fitting beginning to my 40-day. What a blessing to begin with such a victory. For this is the very thing I will be praying for. That those who do not know Jesus would come to know Him, that those who have strayed would come back, and that those in the church who are sleeping would be awakened. What an amazing blessing! As if Phillip coming back to Jesus wasn’t enough cause for a celebration in itself. Praise the great, living God!
It’s already started. And here we go!
One day last week I was telling the Lord that I wanted to understand His love, His delight. And I wrote this.
So great is Your love, You sing over me. So strong is Your delight in me, You dance where I am concerned. Your heart swells with joy, because I love You. To open arms I run, because I belong to You.
In regards to the 40 days I do have a couple questions.
-IHOP recommends green tea, but not caffeine addictions. Is decaf tea allowed?
-What about salt and pepper? Is sea salt allowed?
-IHOP recommends honey in water with lemon. Is honey allowed?
-V8 is 100% veg and fruit juice. I was reading that they have diet V8 which substitutes sucralose, or splenda, for some of the sugar. I thought they didn’t add sugar. If this is true, how can they separate the natural sugar to sub it with sucralose? Basically, is V8 really okay.
-What about V8 smoothie? It is non-dairy, with soy protein, still 100% fruit and veg juice.
-Is it true you cannot have anything pre-manufactured or pre-cooked, bacause of the salt/pepper/butter/etc.
-The fact that you can only have spring or distilled water-is that a big deal? Will I not be able to drink out of a water fountain?
-Is avocado allowed?
-Should one be concerned about natural sodium. I mean, if I try to eat a can of beans? Or should I not since they put unnatural preservatives in it?
-Oh and as far as the GBFs go: Will anyone be going to water-only on those 3 days in June and July then back to Daniel. Or does the 40 day fast count for it?
Feel free to help me out here!
In other news
Not really, it’s the same thing. Hehe. I have to say that Jason Upton’s song Poverty is still ministering to me and I have a feeling it might be my theme song during the 40. I recommend you to go to his website, and request to hear it on KOD radio.
So I just got back from Walmart, where I bought a whole lot of V8, and other 100% juices, brown rice, pinto beans, and raisins. I don’t even like raisins.
While I was looking at the beans, I started laughing. Once again, I felt the reality that I am not going to be eating much. There I am thinking: hmm, I probably wouldn’t like red beans. I don’t like kidney beans. I don’t like lima beans. I don’t like navy beans. I definitely hate black-eyed peas. And I probably wouldn’t like lentils. I guess I’ll go with pinto beans.
Sadly, my vegetable list is just as bad. There’s not much I like. I love fruit, so the only problem I might have is running out.
And I was thinking it would be a great idea to share what works. I’ll post and you can comment. That way we can help each other. As I find out more what is allowed, I am going to come up with things that will work. For example, I was thinking if I am really not allowed to use salt and pepper, then I might try to cook my beans in water with a little jalepenos, or maybe onions. You know, something to flavor it. So whatever I find I’ll pass on to you.
40 days
I followed Shawn’s link to this on Saturday, and found it to be incredibly significant. I have planned on going to TheCall with at least Chris, Chase, Jennifer, Jessy Jeaux and some other singles from my church, for a while. But God’s timing was at work this weekend.
Sunday afternoon, Jessy and I went out with Chris and his family, as we usually do, and he invited us to come back to his house to hang out, which only happens occasionally. We went back to my house so I could change, which gave them a chance for a short nap, then went over his house. We ended up talking about the 40 day fast, that we wanted to do it, and how to get the word out so anyone else in our church or in our singles could also participate if they felt led. I thought God’s timing was pretty cool.
We met last night at Starbucks, but we didn’t end up talking about it much. Maybe they covered a lot before I got there. I’m not sure.
What I’ve been wondering what everyone plans to do about the electronic part of the fast. Does everyone plan to not blog for 40 days?
Personally, I feel like it will greatly help if we do blog. If we blog our failures and successes, and the lessons we learn as God teaches us. I know it’s supposed to be hush-hush, but that is in the condition of the heart. I also know that we can deceive ourselves in justifying a prideful statement too, but I cannot do this alone. I know there will be great strength at times, but there will also be moments that I am incredibly weak. Does anyone understand my point about sharing?
For instance, if I want to share what God taught me on my day of fasting, how do I do that? If I do not say I was fasting, it doesn’t quite validate what I learned. A lesson learned apart from personal experience is never quite as real as one learned from personal experience.
Personal Lessons on Fasting
God taught me a lot today. I wrote the following.
It’s the weakness. I think that if I feel the weakness I have failed. If I change my mind, I have failed. I do not want to feel the weakness because I don’t think I can get past it; I don’t think I can ignore it. God will give me the strength to push past the feelings of weakness.
I feel like my weakness makes me a liar when I say I love Jesus.
Fasting actually makes me feel really far away from God. It should clue me in to some misconceptions I have. My weakness is a constant reminder that I don’t have what it takes. But I have to.
Like everytime I desire food or think of eating I get pushed a little farther away from God as punishment.
I don’t like who I am when I am fasting.
Okay, I had no idea I had so many issues with fasting. My boss came in around 3pm and asked me what was the matter. She said I looked like I had lost my best friend. My heart sank as I realized I was too much like the Pharisees who put on long faces for show. I didn’t tell her I was fasting. I actually chalked it up to the fact that I had been alone all day, and that was why I was quiet.
Revelations and Helps
As I left work, and reflected on my thoughts, I realized that the heart of the matter, the fear that I have to confront with fasting is that I am fooling myself. That I say I love Jesus, that I know He is my everything, but I can’t fast so I must be a liar. If I fail at fasting, I don’t love Jesus as much as I say I do. This kills me. I have to love Him. He is my everything.
One really cool thing is that I was really confronted with my weakness. I felt like I was emptied out until I had nothing to offer God. I felt like dirt, like nothing, at rockbottom. And then I was reminded of how God felt about me.
I belong to Him. He delights in me. He sent Jesus to die to reconcile me to him.
See it’s one thing to know how God feels about you when you are running as hard as you can after Him. When you are praying daily and worshipping wholeheartedly and ministering to others. But when you know that there is nothing in you that makes you good enough and you have done nothing to deserve it, it’s a whole other story. Only when you are completely emptied out can you truly know His love apart from the conditions you fool yourself into thinking you don’t believe.
Jason Upton’s song Poverty really helped me today. I was listening on the way to work, which I think prepared me for my day. Then I was listening to it on the way home and I felt like I had lived it.
Where will we turn when our world falls apart? And all of the treasures we’ve stored in our barns can’t buy the kingdom of God?
And who will we praise when we’ve praised all our lives, men who build kingdoms and men who build fame but Heaven does not know their names?
And what will we fear when all that remains is God on the throne with a child in His arms and love in His eyes? And the sound of His heart cries?
About Jennifer
Let me first clarify that God led Jennifer to move down to Houston from New York in February and she is living with Chris and his family. It seems to me that we were waiting for her, though we didn’t even know it. I knew she could sing, and I knew there was a reason that my soul was pierced every time I heard her sing; she is greatly anointed. She also has a prophetic gifting. For a while, we have all laughed until we cried as she made up songs on the spot. Here are two examples.
(to the song “No Sweeter Name Than The Name of Jesus”) No sweeter cake than a flame-grilled zinger. No sweeter cake than I’ve ever known. No sweeter cake than flame-grilled zinnng-errr. Zinnng-errr, Zinnng-errr. You are the cake that fills up my belly. You are the cake that fills the hunger inside me…
(to Misty’s Favorite One) Jesus, here I am your chubby one, what are you cooking, what are you eating, I want to know…cause I, I’m after your tart, I’m after your tart, I’m after food.
So I am seeing more and more God’s hand in bringing her down here to join us. She’s the lead singer, you know.
Thursday Night Practice
Well, we (Chris, Chase, Jennifer, Zeke, Zack, and me) got together, and for about the first hour, Jennifer and I talked and talked about what was on our hearts while Chris was over on the other side of the room praying and crying. 
Anyway, finally we got done, so we all gathered at the front in a circle and took hands. God instructed us to do this on Monday, I think, to pray for unity as we pray in the Spirit. At some point Chris said, “Every time we get in this circle, we are stirring things up. Not that we are trying to stir something in ourselves, but the enemy is getting stirred up. This strikes fear in his heart. And that is why he is attacking. And not that he is attacking, but we are seeing his schemes. It’s like the Spirit chips away at the mask that he wears and we truly begin to see him for who he is.”
Well, Jennifer says she got ‘zapped’ by Chase which caused her to start laughing and pull away so we wouldn’t think she was being silly. So we separated and prayed individually for a few minutes until Chris brought us back together. But he simply said that God really wanted to …(speak or do something) but that we had to stir ourselves up first. So we separated again and prayed on our own, trying to stir ourselves up. After a few more minutes, he comes strolling back up to the front like he’s on a mission and gathers us again. He instructs each of us where to stand so that we are in a line and says that this is what the Lord told Him to do.
He said the Lord was going to give us sight. That not only would we see the enemy for who he is but that we would all be in unity and see together what the Spirit was doing. “So I’m going to pray for your hands. And after the Lord is done with whatever He is going to do, somehow your hands need to go over your eyes.” So we stood there praying, waiting for our turn .
Well, I was praying intently, so I couldn’t tell where Chris was, but I was standing next to Jennifer, and when she went down, she bumped me, and I almost went down. In a little while, it was my turn. And WOW!
Mostly when I feel the Holy Spirit, it is like electricity. It is sudden and strong and causes me to fall down quickly. What I felt when Chris took my hands was the peace-like-a-river-glory that rushed toward me until my knees gave out. Jennifer had fallen sideways, so Zeke helped catch me so that I fell sideways too. Chris didn’t let go of my hands until he put them over my eyes and I kept them there for the longest time. It was pretty crazy.
Every time I would feel Jennifer move, it would jolt me. At some point, I heard Chris yell, “GO!” I don’t know who he was praying for or what he was telling to go, but he always talks about how he always calmly goes to pray because he knows his authority and doesn’t have to yell and it just surprises him when he yells. A little while later, someone started yelling out. I found out later it was Chris, and I suspect he was on the floor at the time. I’m telling you it almost made me come up off that floor. There was power in it.
When Jennifer went to get up, she helped me up, because everyone else had already got up, and we sat on the seats praying quietly. God gave me a really cool picture of waves of glory by the waves of darkness under my closed eyes. (Wow, that must sound weird.) Then Chris got the mic and started prophesying. The message was about the anointing and signs and wonders, embracing passion and embracing God, and expecting the unseen and unheard. It was pretty cool!
Finally, it must have been 2-2 1/2 hours from when we first got there, we went on stage and practiced for like 30 minutes.
We left really encouraged about god using us. We knew that it was so much bigger than us, we knew that He was really in it.
Monday Night Practice
Well, I thought I’d just mention Monday night’s practice. It was the six of us in the band, and Jessy Jeaux. The Lord instructed us to get in the circle and pray for unity by praying in the Spirit. What’s really funny is that as we go to take hands, Jennifer reaches out her hand to me adn as it brushes mine, I feel a surge of subtle power. I jerk my hand back and give her this incredulous look and say “What was that!?” She gives me this blank look and says, “We’re taking hands aren;t we?” (I still think it’s funny that she didn’t understand what I meant until I explained it to her later.) So we take hands and no one says anything so Jessy busts out with a loud zealous prayer opening, and then stops when everyone else is quiet (it was pretty funny). We all just stood, waiting on God, praying quietly in the Spirit. Well Jennifer starting getting excited and every 30 seconds or so would shout out Jesus, or something. Before long, she was going at it. She was praying really loud in tongues and she started saying the same thing. This is always profound to me because I’m like “Ooh! I wonder what she’s saying!” Then she begins to prophesy. I just remember so much emphasis being on “You will, you will… You will, you will…” It was so incredibly powerful. Afterwards it gets quiet as we separate and pray, then when the Spirit settles, we kinda sit back and listen as Chris is talking to us about what the Spirit is teaching us.
It was then that we started practicing and it was crazy powerful and fun! We ‘made up’ like 3 songs that were totally Spirit and totally sweet. Like “This little light of mine.” Jessy made the comment that it would be cool if we sang it on Saturday night because everyone already knows it. And I said, “Yeah, and if they sing it, it will break off religion. Because religion says it’s a kids’ song and its not cool to sing it.” (We didn’t end up singing it but it’s awesome and we might yet!)
The Debut of CausingEffect
Sorry for more suspense but this is really long, so the story of what happened Saturday night will follow. Don’t worry. It’s a goodie!!
My youth pastor preached last Wednesday about Moses in a series on Heroes. Later, I was reading his story, and right in between the burning bush and Moses’ return to Egypt, I found this scripture.
At a lodging place on the way, the LORD met {Moses) and was about to kill him. But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son’s foreskin and touched {Moses’} feet with it. “Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me,” she said. So the LORD let him alone. (At that time she said “bridegroom of blood,” referring to circumcision.) Exodus 4:24
And I don’t get it. Why would God come and try to kill Moses? So I am asking some scholars, or some Bible-maker-sensers to clue me in on any understanding you have. It just completely baffles me. And I am ridiculously curious.
Really though, what does this mean?
Last Fall, the Lord laid on Chris’s heart that he, as the singles’ leader, should start getting a group together for worship. We all figured we would be a worship band, if we ever had a singles’ service. Chris said from the beginning that he didn’t know why God had us together. He didn’t know if it was to be a worship band, to travel or if it was just to get together and worship, but God would simply do with us what he wanted.
From the start, we would come to the church on Thursday night, spend some time in prayer, then practice. It was pretty cool. Before long, the prayer times got longer and longer. Some people that were coming decided it wasn’t for them.
The first significant night, we were praying, and we just kept praying. As Chris changed the songs, I couldn’t sit still anymore. The Spirit was churning so powerfully within me. Finally, I got up and went up to the balcony, back behind the pew wall, and started pacing and warfully praying. I went and ‘hid’ so that I could pray without feeling hindered, without thinking about anyone else. So I am pacing, and praying with abandonment, while jumping and about to fall all over the floor. Chris comes around the corner, as I happen to turn and see him. (I still don’t know it he was also pacing around, or if he heard my commotion, or if he was actually looking for me.) I guess he saw what the Spirit was doing in me and it confirmed what He felt, and (I remember it clearly) He said, “Yeah. Let’s go down and war this thing out.” I followed him down the stairs, and all of joined hands in a circle and prayed our hearts out in the Spirit. We separated again, and just paced and prayed and paced and prayed. It is significant to mention that we were listening to what I would call prophetic worship, before I knew it was really a specific thing. All I can recall is “Holy Visitation”.
The next week, we get there and pray, and then the guys get on the instruments. They begin playing such powerful, anointed music, that I am practically beside myself. The Spirit was churning so hard inside me that I didn’t know what to do with myself. At first, I went and got a mic, and stood there praying. Then I put it down, walked outside the sanctuary, and paced in the foyer. Then I went back on stage, and stood there. Then I went into the balcony, then I came back down and laid behind the last pew. I’m telling you I was a mess. I knew God was doing so much. And I couldn’t figure out what to do about it.
That night, we went to Whataburger, and I was itching to ask Chris what understanding he had about what had just happened. We really didn’t understand what God was doing, but Chris said that whatever we were fighting with prayer the week before, we just defeated it through our music. Chris and his brother Chase both admitted that the Spirit was playing through them, because they had never played like that. Zeke said while he was playing the drums, he couldn’t feel his arms. We knew that the music we had listened to the week before, we had played that night. We knew that, although we didn’t understand what God was doing, we knew it was huge. After Thanksgiving, our practices died down in all the craziness of the holidays.
Then God took us to Onething. Chris, Jesse, and I, from the ‘band’, and Pam from the singles, met up with Jennifer, Chris’s best friend from World Harvest Bible College. There, we learned what God was doing. The funny thing is that we didn’t even know what it was. We just knew we were supposed to go. We had recently been to a Shane and Shane concert, and knew it was really amazing, and we’d heard of Jason Upton. Personally, I was greatly impacted by the promo video. The abandoned running truly represented my heart for God. That was the first we had listened to Misty Edwards and we loved her immediately. So much so that Chris bought her songs off itunes and we used her music on Thursday nights. It still amazes me that God took us to teach us what He had already been doing in us.
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